She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I want her autograph on my taint
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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