Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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