dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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