i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
