I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
