I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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