My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
