i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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