Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
