My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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