What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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