They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
