Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
why is half of my head shaved?
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