omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
