too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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