The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
