i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
