This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
