oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
