Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
