was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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