Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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