i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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