i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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