shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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