Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How external is "for external use only"?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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