I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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