your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
