my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i love accidental penises.
vagina is talking i cant
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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