i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
