I am midnight drunk by noon
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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