Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
