I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
