I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
