So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
