please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
