I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
