Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
