I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
