i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I came so hard my ears popped.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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