I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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