Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
