I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
