i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
