I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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