i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
