There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
