This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
