i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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