My Higher Power is John Stamos
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
