I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
