That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
