I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
