How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
